Ramblings About my Boring Life.

Okay, so considering this blog is new and I've ALREADY begun to neglect it, I don't have the highest hopes ever, but that's okay! I figured I'd be a kind blog-owner and update before I start rehearsing until 7:30 every day for WUD.

Hmmm, so, what's new in my life, you ask? Well. I actually posted writing on dA, which is big for me, because most of it stays hidden away on an account that I don't give to anyone, and this is the first thing that has ever moved to my normal one. Nuu, don't ask for my other one, because I shall not give it to you. Most of my writing is way too personal and you getting a link is just not gonna go down. But yeah, I was happy with myself.

The rest of my life generally consists of WUD, school, and chatting with Caroline. WUD has been fun lately, because in the past three rehearsals I've been called to, I haven't actually had to act, so it's just been awesome chilling in Christian's yard. But his yard is evil. Every single day when I get home, my legs are covered completely with cuts from his grass and it hurts so bad. No good Christian's grass, no good. Umm, school sucks, if I'm continuing in my list of life activities. I have three B's, which is horrible, because yeah I'm one of those weird CHHS kids who is a complete hard-ass about grades. And in finishing my list, I love Caroline a ton. I thought I would have a breakdown when she lost her charger and couldn't text for a week.

OH OH OH I'm mad at my a capella director, 'cause I told her I couldn't go to the jam we have coming up, and she was like "Fine". But then she realized I have a little duet in a song we're singing, and she's like "You have to be there." and I'm like "WHAT THE FUCK. NO. FUCK YOU." because I have a rehearsal that day. Sooo, she can suck my dick.

Kaythxbai

Ouch

Hello all! I just got home from ballet and I felt the need to share with everyone on small fact. My butt hurts. Really bad. Has that ever happened to you? I mean, maybe it's just me, but my butt isn't used to this. Damn dance. (But in the way that I adore it.)

In other news, I'm becoming slightly more effective at being a man. If that sounds odd, it's because I was cast in the role of a man in One Song Productions' Wait Until Dark, not because I just felt like taking on this treacherous task. You would think it would be easy, just copy a few mannerisms, and BAM, your a dude! Nope. No way. It's quite challenging. Guys sit and walk in a way that is so much more relaxed than I do, and it's hard for me to do that when I'm consciously trying to, so I don't even want to think about how it'll be when I'm acting and trying to do it at the same time.

In the creepiest way possible, I've been following guys around my school in an attempt to mimic them effectively. It's hard. And it's really obvious and creepy. Like, the person I'm following won't generally notice, but people around us will. This distracts me from my mission, and then I get all confused and forget to go to class. Yeah. I'm just a beast like that.

Also, I've been trying really hard to make references to my big, manly penis in daily conversation. Because that's what guys do, right? The only thing I won't do is speak in my man voice at school. Maybe once we get closer to the show, but I'd really rather not right now. Though, I might get some fun looks and assumptions. I mean, I bet I'd be hearing FANTASTIC rumors by the end of the day.

So yeah, end of rant.

Peace out, girlscouts.

What If

I pride myself on being an advocate and fighting for what's right, but how can I do that when I'm completely hidden from real life and the vicious brutality of this endless fight for freedom?

I never hear it at my school, because this is Chapel Hill, and Chapel Hill is all pep, honors kids, and anti-discrimination, right? Wrong.

That, my friends, is a front. It's an amusing facade we put up so parents will be content with their children's education, and college acceptances and scholarship offers will one day fill up our mailboxes. What a surprise it is when those endless hallways and ever multiplying classrooms begin to hold more than childlike innocence and joy, and begin to be a place full of fear, pressure, and discrimination on all fronts.

It scares me that when hearing the word "faggot" from across the room in Biology, I get caught completely and totally off guard and don't know what to do. I mean, I'm glad I don't just sit back and accept it, or even worse, use it, but what am I gonna do when I get out of this town? This school? What happens when I'm fighting the real bad guys, the ones that want me to burn in hell, and not just freshmen boys that don't realize what they're saying? Will I be able to handle it?

What about when someone uses it and understands what they're saying? When they know how hurtful it is, but they don't care? Will I be able to stand up and do something about it? I'd like to think that I would, but I just don't know. What if I'm afraid? What if they don't listen?

What if it's a friend...?

You see, that's what wakes me up at night. That's what makes me wish the future would never come. Would I be able to stand up to someone that I really liked, even loved, and risk what was between us? Dear God, I hope and pray that when and if that day ever comes, I will be able to stand behind my beliefs and do what is right by me.

Please let that day never come.